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Friendship, a Temporary Illusion?

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Love & Relationships

The dictionary isn’t really clear about the definition of friendship. For me it’s too superficial. For me friendship exists in levels. One is closer to me than another. But what is it? Why is someone your friend?

Friendships are engaged. Children do this with words like: “Want to become friends?” Or at school we are taught to make friends by playing with each other. When you get older sometimes those friendships remain. Sometimes they don’t. The most import thing a friendship is built on is trust and unconditionality. As a child you are given these ideas and you develop yourself with it. Such as we meet several people daily, at work, school, internships, the internet, you name it. But when and how do you know if someone is worth your friendship? Within a friendship one and another help each other and accept more than outside the friendship. When one does something for another as friends, does one perceive this as true friendship?

It is to you what kind of value give to friendship. One thinks of friendship as more personal than someone else. But a personal friendship is very different than a friendly attitude towards everyone.

It’s difficult to know how someone else thinks about you. Or if one feels the same for you as you do for them. Knowing that he or she is there for you where one looks at what the other needs and puts his or her own needs or desires on the background. More fascinating is to stop and think about how these friendships turn into something completely different. That is, when your friends turn to other fellow homo sapiens for their daily talks. It always happens from beneath your nose and shows a whole different side of friendship. Of course when you least expect it from another. Suddenly everything becomes less, less time, less company and they don’t even laugh about your silly jokes anymore. Your anecdotals are sleep-inducing. At least not as interesting as another, who has been through the same thing but has skills at his or her disposal to tell it in a more fun way. This is thanks to the fact that the unique thing about your friendship has disappeared of has just become boring. Monotonous. Or as the fashion victims stylish call “old”. Yes! Ka-Denk! You’re officially boring.

Everyone has an own opinion about friendships. Friendships start everywhere and end everywhere: during going out, somewhere on a TMF chat room, CU2, Hyves, Facebook, forums, just the internet, via via you name it. But is there a difference in friendship you start in a personal way and the one started from the internet? Do you have to see one differently because you see and talk to them daily while seeing the others once in two months but talk to them daily on the net? For me there is no difference. In fact I call it true friendship, when he or she keeps cheering me up, give me courage in bad times, a real friend who keeps standing up when he or she notices that you are suffering in silence. You should cherish this. The most important thing a good friendship is built upon is trust and unconditionality. Unconditionality? A sweetened concept: Bullshit! Every person keeps values out of their own perspective, that’s what we’re human for. That one trustworthy thing to rely on, unique by it’s kind. This is called human trust where we search so hard for in this insensitive place. But how far will you go? We all get hurt. Intentions are explained wrong also and ignorance causes a lot of sorrow and then still so much is unsaid. But how far will you go? There is a click, a unique feeling which you don’t share with all your so called “friends”. Do you want to lose this feeling, or your friend?

Often we are overflowed with the thought of being a soul mate when you are inseparable from each other, just like twins. The understanding soul mate is related to “twin-soul” (monozygotic twins are considered as the ultimate soul mates. In the dictionary it is also described as a kindred spirit. A person with whom someone shares a deep relation in the area of friendship, love, intimacy of spirituality. But what kind of value does one hold of it? When are you truly a soul mate? For one a soul mate is just a person who is part of them, for me it’s all of my dear ones who are a part of my soul.

Friends come and go. They who endure do well. As time goes by you will have another friend. It happens with reasons. One stays in your life for five years, the other twelve years and again another for three weeks. One you know longer than the other, but appreciation for that person rises in your heart. Knowing that the person has more to offer than all your previous friendships. Because one has gone through a lot concerning friendships, they don’t allow many people into their lives. Through experience, pain and suffering, they express themselves differently. But when that new friend fills in your emptiness, all walls break down. With the thoughts of what all failed friendships were good for. I go to the extreme. I cherish my friendships a lot and can count them on one hand. My friends, my dear ones. A gift from above.

No matter how long friendships have lasted or how short the started: “I’m blessed with Dewi as my friend and Ravindra as my best friend.

Shamim Ramdjan


Photo © Andrea Huls



ShamimPassionist, philosophy, artistic, designer, writer… a complete dreamer .
“You think too much”, is what most people tell about me, “Not everything has a reason”, Do you believe it yourself?

Researching questions about the philosophy of life and answering them is my passion. By using philosophical thoughts I try to find answers to the 'why'-question. Knowing why one believes somthing, or why something happens. Looking back in history and planning for the future. I'm searching for ethics.

"Love, laughter, freedom."

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Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance.

Groots werk wordt niet gepresteerd door kracht, maar door volharding.

Dr. Samuel Johnson